


How Like The Rain

by hopeandfire



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeandfire/pseuds/hopeandfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grief affects everyone in different ways. For some people, the process is quick and recovery is easy. For others, it can take months or even years to recover, and even then something always feels like it's missing. </p>
<p>The death of Neji Hyuuga affected everyone in Konohagakure in different ways. To most it was a passing moment of heroism to be remembered for the rest of Konoha's history, but to those select few who knew Neji personally, it was a life changing moment of earth-shattering loss. </p>
<p>This is a story of a fall and a rise, and the long road to recovery for Konoha's Green Wild Beast and those closest to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Like The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> So before I start, I feel like I should let any potential readers know that it's been a very long time since I've written any substantial fanfiction and an even longer time since I've posted any of my work. With that being said, I was extremely (and unfortunately) inspired by Neji's death and I was very interested in exploring how such an event, paired with all the other loss of that happened during the war, would emotionally impact someone as normally upbeat and optimistic as Rock Lee. Also how the change in attitude might impact some of the other characters. It might go without saying that the Lee you'll see in the first half (or more) of this fic is a little more morose than the Lee everyone knows and loves, but don't worry, the real Lee is in there somewhere.

“Seven hundred fifty six. Seven hundred fifty seven. Seven hundred fifty eight...”

The first drops of rain that fell failed to take anyone by surprise. The sky had been a dusty grey all day, filling the air with the pleasant smell that preceded every storm and threatening to soak the village in water at an undetermined time of its choosing. It was a promise that was made, but unfulfilled, until the first drops of rain began to fall from the sky in the late afternoon. It started soft, a reminder of what was surely to come, but it was enough to encourage everyone to stay inside for the evening; everyone but one hot-blooded ninja, seventeen years old and stubborn.

“Seven hundred fifty nine. Seven hundred sixty. Seven hundred sixty one...”

He hardly noticed the raindrops that fell on his back, mixing among the sweat that had already soaked through his jumpsuit. Being a little damp was something that he’d gotten used to, especially given how hard he worked. Too focused on counting what he was doing at the time, Lee had already managed to forget what he’d done thus far, and how many reps he’d done of each. About two hours ago he had started over, and would continue the process now until either he couldn’t move or Guy and Tenten came to drag him home.

It had been this way for five months now. Five long, long months; ever since...

The thought of the events that had taken place at that time still rattled Lee, leaving everything in his mind feeling jumbled and displaced. It wasn’t even just the memories of what he’d _seen_ \-- it was knowing what had happened to the other people who had been fighting. So many people had lost their lives, and even more had lost their friends and their family and their drive to continue with life.

Lee was among those who had lost something important. Something very important...

“Seven hundred sixty two. S-seven hundred sixty three! Seven hundred sixty four!”

The rain started to fall heavier and the wind whistled through the now empty streets. Everyone else had the mind to get inside before the storm swirled through the village, taking everything and twisting it until it was something new. To some people, the change that came with the storm was something better than what it’d been before. The rain washed away all the dirt from the houses and made the grass and all the trees grow stronger. When it stopped, it made the colors look brighter and the people look happier. Lee used to be one of the people who enjoyed the way things changed, but now the change that came with storms seemed terrifying.

“Seven hundred sixty five...seven hundred--”

He felt the muscles in his arm give out under him before it happened, but didn’t make much of an effort to prevent his collision with the ground. Of course his arms were going to give up on him. He’d been working all day, after all, push ups and then pull ups and then he jumped rope and then he’d forgotten how many push ups he’d done, so he had to start over. It made sense, to anyone with eyes at least, that he’d be tired after working all day, but somehow the realization hadn’t registered with him. In his own form of defiance, he forced himself to roll over. At least this way he would have a front row seat to the change the storm brought in, and maybe this time change wouldn’t be so bad.

Flowers had just started to bloom on their respective trees, clinging desperately to their branches as the trees shivered in the wind. Soon after, the flowers in the gardens would follow suit, opening to face the sun and painting the village in vibrant shades. Pink canopies and blue walkways would greet any who left their houses and petals would drift lazily through the air and the village would hold a festival to celebrate spring.

_An explosion went off overhead, filling the darkened sky with colors as vibrant as the blossoms decorating the streets. Lee’s finger flew towards it, accompanied by the sound of absolute awe as he loudly urged his teammates to look._

_“What are you babbling about, Lee?” Tenten removed her attention from Neji, spinning to face Lee. She looked terribly out of place, a single qipao amongst a sea of kimonos and yakatas._

_“Look! Watch the way the sparks float down to the ground, almost the like cherry blossoms. Don’t you just love watching them fall? When autumn comes, it will be just as beautiful and then, we will come for the fall festival and watch the leaves drift along the stream, right? You will both come with me to see it?”_

_“Of course.” Neji’s voice was calm, spoken with all the restraint of someone who had spent years learning to speak only when he absolutely had to. “There isn’t anyone else we would go with, anyway.”_

_“Fantastic!”_

Lee tightened his fists. It had become a tradition, on his urging, that they attend the spring and fall festivals together, as a team. Sight seeing and playing games and childish arguing, on his part, over who was better at said games, it was something he looked forward to. But what would they do now, without a fourth member? How could anything ever be like it _was_ without-

“Lee!”

Tenten’s voice reached him just in time to pull him away from the bout of anger he was about to experience. He struggled to sit, an attempt to look in her direction and maybe even give her and his teacher a wave, but his arms wouldn’t cooperate. Had he been just a little bit closer to the sparring dummy he’d been using earlier, he would’ve forced himself to sit up, but he was smack in the middle of the training area and far away from any aid. In an attempt to make Tenten laugh, a sound he hadn’t heard in _five_ months, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

She didn’t think it was funny.

“Get up, Lee!” Her voice was as soaked in exasperation as his clothing was in water, and it was accompanied by sharp pain in his side that caused his eyes to snap open. The whole display of violence warranted a louder-than-needed chuckle from Guy-sensei and, in an attempt to hear the sound again, Lee closed his eyes and rolled over.

Another blow landed, followed by another chuckle and quiet words of entertainment from his sensei. At least one of them had the ability to laugh, even after what they went through. It was a sound that, after being absent for five months, was sorely missed.

“You have five seconds to get up before I’m leaving, and I’m taking Guy-sensei with me.” Tenten announced, tapping her fingers against the metal of Guy’s wheelchair.

“Oh, Tenten, don’t be like that!” Lee could hear the scowl in Guy’s voice, “Lee’s been working very hard to-”

“Five seconds.” Tenten repeated, “And then we’re leaving, Sensei.”

Lee rolled back to look at the two of them, brows knitted together in frustration. If they left there was no way he would get home, or even up off the damn ground, before the storm hit with full force. Then he’d be wet, hungry, cold, and even more irritable than he already was. Worse, he wouldn’t get a chance to go on his evening run. He struggled to sit up again and, when he couldn’t, shot Tenten a rather dirty look.

She seemed to understand and moved towards him with long, purposeful strides, lifting him off the ground with ease and placing him back on his feet. He tottered and nearly feel back to the ground, but managed to stay up. The ache in his legs was fresh, not nearly as sweet as he wished it would be. Even so, he began walking away from the two of them one shuddering step at a time.

“Aren’t you going to say thank yo-”

“Thank you, Tenten! And you as well, Guy-sensei!” Lee shot her a grin over his shoulder, the biggest one he could muster, and a thumbs up before turning back to the task at hand: getting home without collapsing again. Despite how hard he tried to block out other sounds, he could still hear Tenten and Guy speaking behind him.

“If he keeps pushing himself like this…” Tenten’s voice had softened now, full of worry and concern and dropped down to a whisper, “I don’t know how comfortable I am going on missions with him. It’s hard enough now, but out in the field…”

“He just wants to be better than he was when- well...” Guy’s voice was just as soft as Tenten’s was, if not more so. And it was understanding. It was always understanding.

“Why can’t either of you say his name?” Lee could hear the ache in Tenten’s voice, the way it twisted when she said _his_ and the choking sound of rising tears. Her lips moved to form the word, the first syllable passing with ease before she fell silent. It was too much. Even with five months to recover and all her strength, it was still too much.

_Neji._ His eyes turned toward the ground and he focused on the sound of the rain pounding down around them, managing to stumble get just far enough away that the voices of his sensei and his teammate were muted by the wind.

_If I can make it all the way home without any help, I will surely feel strong enough to surpass you tomorrow._

\---

It was 9am the next morning when Lee’s alarm clock finally managed to wake him from his deep sleep, four hours after it began ringing in the first place. Reaching out a weak arm, he swatted at the device until he finally managed to knock it off his nightstand. It was the fall that finally silenced it and, had Lee not been so exhausted, he might have worried that he’d broken it. Instead, he rolled over to face his window, groaning at the dull ache in his muscles.

9am. Four hours late. He made a face at the thought. He really _should_ get out of bed, and he told himself so several times over, but his mattress was so comfortable and his blanket was so warm and the view from his window was so lovely. He could see the healers’ greenhouses quite clearly from where his apartment was and the sight was a comforting one on his particularly difficult mornings. Some of his fondest memories, at least the ones that didn’t hurt to remember, took place in those greenhouses. Memories of youthful admiration and softly whispered words of encouragement. Memories that he could lose himself in without the sharp stab of pain that came with so many others.

He was about to open the window, perhaps take in the smell of a spring morning, when a knock came at the door. It had a familiar sort of demanding sound that drew Lee’s attention swiftly. It was probably Tenten. Lee _knew_ it was Tenten.

“She can wait.” He mumbled to himself, ignoring the second knock on his door and instead turning his attention to the state of his room. It was big enough to suit his needs without being wasteful or extravagant, and messy because of the small amount of time he spent in it. He honestly couldn’t see more of his carpet than a small tan strip that lead from his bed to his door, but that was because of how many things he had in the room rather than an honest to goodness mess. He’d been told before that the entire room had a certain scent to it, but he’d honestly never noticed anything terribly off putting or offensive and since he didn’t have guests often, he decided to ignore it anyway.

Another knock, this time louder, further encouraged Lee to get up. He swung his feet over the side of the bed, gently pressing the pads of them against the floor to test out how weak they’d be. It was a dull pain, nothing that would stop him from standing, but he was still somehow weary about the whole endeavor. If he fell before he could make it to the door, he’d be furious. There was no other word for it, was there?

“LEE!” The word rang through the air with a fourth impatient knock. Tenten’s voice. Of course it was Tenten. No more waiting.

“I’m coming!” His voice cracked when he replied, likely dehydration, and he pushed himself to his feet. It was, more or less, a straight shot all the way across the apartment from his bed to the front door. Just a short trip through his bedroom and then the joint kitchen/living area. He nearly fell over his disjointed wooden table set, loudly cursing at a poorly placed chair before finally making it to the door. When he pulled it open, Tenten practically mowed him down.

She nearly tripped in the process of entering, managing to catch herself on the same chair that had attempted to kill Lee just a few seconds ago. That stupid wicker chair...! “Your place is a mess.”

The sound that came from Lee was more of a grunt than an actual word, but a sound of agreement nonetheless. He watched Tenten carry the chair across the room, placing it in it’s spot by the main room’s window among its better matched brethren before turning back towards him.

“Underwear?”

“I was sleeping.” It’d be a lie to say Lee wasn’t irked by how unphased Tenten seemed to be by his state of undress. It would also be a lie to say he didn’t infuse his explanation with just the tiniest bit of sarcasm. “Where are you going?”

Tenten glanced over her shoulder, a hint of a smirk lingering on her lips. “To dress you. Someone’s got to.”

“I am perfectly capable of dressing myself.” It wasn’t something that needed stating and maybe Lee was just trying to start an argument. Regardless of his intentions, he followed after Tenten, lingering in his bedroom door. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to look after Guy-Sensei today.”

“Sensei is a grown adult, Lee, wheelchair or not. He told me himself that he doesn’t need me babysitting him.” Tenten’s voice was harsh, matching Lee’s earlier sarcasm. She somehow managed to pluck a green sweater and a pair of black pants out of Lee’s mess of clothes in the corner, tossing the outfit to him. “Put these on.”

Lee muttered something along the lines of ‘ _I’m_ a grown adult’ as Tenten left the room, closing the screen loudly behind her. He looked at the clothes she’d given him. Street clothes. She must’ve had some sort of plan for him that didn’t involve what he wanted to do, but he wasn’t going to question it. For now, dressing and perhaps eating was his top priority. Once he’d managed that, he’d figure out the rest of his day.

He sat down at the edge of his bed, listening to Tenten bang around in the other room before slowly easing his pants up his legs. It was a tedious process, full of agitated grunts, but after a few minutes of struggling he managed to get his pants over his waist and turned his attention to the sweater. The material it was made from was soft, dyed the same color green as his bodysuit. A very small chrysanthemum blossom was hand stitched on the right breast and the sight of it drew a very small smile to Lee’s lips.

“Are you done yet?” Tenten poked her head around the screen that separated his room from the main living area as Lee yanked the sweater on over his head. She wrinkled her nose at him, tapping her foot as he slowly moved past her and sat down at the table.

“You picked out Kikue’s-”

“I know.” Tenten cut him off before he could finish his statement, taking brisk steps across the room and into the kitchen. She returned with what looked like an edible, if not actually decently prepared, meal of rice, some kind of soup with slightly charred green onions, and a rolled omelet. “I figured maybe it would make the news easier to hear. You’ve been banned from the training grounds today. All of them. All day.”

The statement felt like a slap to the face and Lee recoiled from it as if he’d actually been physically assaulted. “What? Why?”

“Eat.” Tenten instructed, tossing a broth spoon and a pair of mismatched chopsticks at him. Lee tentatively grabbed the chopsticks, encouraged by nothing but her harsh gaze, and began to pick at the omelet. “And from what I heard, Guy-Sensei and Lady Tsunade think that you nearly getting yourself stranded in a hurricane counts as a rather decent reason to keep you out.”

“I could have gotten home fi-!” Lee attempted to protest with his mouth full of egg.

“Doesn’t matter.” Tenten spoke over him again. She stood, her hands flat against the table and a frown on her face. “We’re _worried_ about you, Lee! You’ll end up working yourself to death at this rate and it’d be for no reason at all. If you _don’t_ kill yourself on the training field, you’re certain to be so tired you’ll get us all killed during _missions_ , if you’re even permitted to go on them at _all_! And what would we do...without you...”

The sight was almost painful. Tenten had lowered her head so that her hair shielded her eyes, but Lee had known her long enough to know that she was upset. Her fingers had curled against the cool wood of the table and small, frustrated tears landed against the backs of her hand.

He hadn’t meant to make her cry. Honest.

“Listen, Tenten...” He started slow, his voice as soft as he could manage. “I promise to take it easy today. And if I do not, I give you permission to inflict whatever punishment you deem fit!”

“You should...” Tenten’s voice cracked a little when she spoke and she leaned against the window sill. “You should go see him. I went this morning. It helps. I know it doesn’t seem like it would, but it does.”

“I suppose I could, I just don't know if I should...”

“How long has it been since you last went?” She started moving towards the door, still rubbing at her eyes every now and then. When she stopped in the doorway, Lee leaned back in his _stupid_ wicker chair to look at her, watching her puff out her cheeks. “It helps. It’s a good place to clear your mind. Like he’s there with you...Trust me and go, alright?”

Lee nodded, mouth too busy draining his bowl of soup to actually offer any words. He waved as Tenten said her goodbyes, agreeing to see her later and turning his attention back to the food in front of him. It might not have been the best he’d ever had, not even close, but he was glad to have it and he was glad that Tenten was still around. He’d be an even bigger mess without her.

“Like he’s there with you...” Lee repeated the words to himself as he cleared his dishes from the table, stopping in front of the window for a moment to look out over the greenhouses. Peaceful. Always peaceful. He lifted a finger, softly touching the embroidered flower on his shirt, lost in thought.  

_"Promise, Lee."_

_The sound of her delicate voice was enough to pull his focus. He spun around to face her, taking a few hesitant steps forward. She needed comfort, and he knew it, but he wasn't the one that should give it to her._

_No..._

_"Promise what?"_

_She flicked tears out of her eyes, gently brushing the fingers of her free hand over the yellow flower pin that adorned her hair. "I have to go home and I don’t know if I'll come back...so promise that you'll go visit...visit Neji for me, okay?"_

_The name stung. It still stings. But Lee lifted a thumb and flashed her a smile anyway. "It is a promise!"_

_You would both want me to visit more often than I do, wouldn't you?_

 

 


End file.
